Co-Worker Convo

I am very loved in my office. Let me share with you an example of what I mean:

I have been coughing a lot lately because of my asthma, allergies and such, and people are always bringing it up. Here's a conversation I was in just a moment ago:

Me: *Cough cough*
Coworker: Heather, are you still coughing?
Me: Um....yes?
C: How we gonna get you to stop?
Me: I took my medicine today...
C: I know how we can get it out of you.
Me: *Rolls eyes* How?
C: We'll shoot it out of you.
Me: ........Pardon?
C: We'll SHOOT it out of you.
Me: And how will that help me stop coughing?
C: You'll be dead.
Me: ............Thank you. That's very kind.
C: Hey, if you die, do I get full custody of Christoph?
Me: *Thinking* Yes. Yes, if I die, you may have Christoph. (Christoph is my rubber band ball - this coworker refers to it as our child.)
C: Sweet.
Me: That doesn't mean you can kill me, however.
C: What?
Me: You may have Christoph if I die of natural causes.
C: Hmmm....natural causes....
Me: .......At home.
C: ....at home....in bed? That's the worst way to die.
Me: Dying of natural causes at home in bed is the worst way to die? That sounds pretty nice to me.
C: But you're going to get shot.
Me: ......If I die I'll make them serve cottage cheese at my funeral. And you'll have to eat it.
C: EW!

You can see why I put his stapler in jello. :D